The Alpha - Arianna Green (FULL 50 Chapter)

I remembered how it all happened. 

I remember walking back into my office to continue my conversation with Garret. I sat down behind my desk, having an internal battle with my wolf about Violet. 

('You fucking dick! You hit our mate!') Zaxton growled at me. 

...She disrespected us. Twice. I warned her the first time... 

('She doesn't deserve you-') 

I growled and pushed him back, focusing back on Garret. 

I wanted to go see my Flower. My Violet. I needed to apologize to her- hold her. Kiss her painfully beautiful tears away and vow to never hurt her ever again. I needed to be with her, but I wasn't moving. 

"You good?" he checked, raising an eyebrow at me. 

I rolled my eyes and told him 'yep', motioning for him to pick up where we left off. 

"Well, as I said, I have my eyes on two potential Gamma's, I'm weighing out everything," he informed me, naturally moving his hands and looking at me. 

I sighed, "that's good," it came out gruff but I didn't care, I was no longer in an adequate mood. I didn't get what I needed to, I got distracted with Violet and never grabbed the packet from my room. 

I 

It should be ours- my Violet and me. I would say we could have pups, but according to the first report Reseda- Violet's infertile. We won't be having pups and it broke a part of me- larger than I'd like to admit. 

"And the transfer? Good? Any updates on that fucktard?" I asked as I pulled out Chris's file. I flipped it open. 

He growled slightly, "No, Mallo-" 

My own growl cut him off. "I don't want to hear his name." 

That fucking dog. 

He nodded, "Well, he wasn't lying or anything. Christopher had made no reports back to his pack, and it seems like all communication filtering there has been cut off." 

"That's impos- "I started but stopped when a searing pain met my body. I felt my brows dig in pain, and I clutched my chest. 

"Derek?" Garret asked, alarmed, standing up and rushing to me. 

My head was pounding, my neck stinging. My whole body met hell. 

My wolf whined and howled inside. 

('Mate...') 

My eyes bulged as I struggled to stand. Garret went to put me back into the seat but I forced out a growl at him. 

"De-" 

"V-Violet!" I choked out, I stumbled to the door. "Garret, go... go get her!" he nodded at me and ran out of the room. I made just out of my office door, then I collapsed onto my knees. 

I heard Garret break a door, then I heard it again. 

I crawled my way to her room, agony a thick blanket weighing me down. 

('Mate...') 

...Zaxton, fucking do something!... 

('Mate...') he whined and then blocked me off. Fucking useless piec- 

"Derek!" Garret screamed, and the smell of blood and her sweet scent invaded my nose. 

No. 

No. 

...No... 

I just made it to her door, grabbing it to hoist myself up. The intensity of the pain had me doubling over. 

"Derek! Get in here!" he yelled again, panic seeping his tone. I gasped and clutched my chest and stumbled past her bed. "Derek! It's bad..." he screamed, his voice cracking in the end. 

I made it to the entry of the bathroom and right then and there I felt like I was in hell. I wasn't in my house in my pack in South Dakota, I was thousands of feet below the ground. The Devil performing mind games on me. 

Garret had her in his arms, pulling her out of the deep maroon water. Her blood. 

A strangled cry left my lips as I fell on the bathroom floor. My hands met something wet, and I glanced down. A steak knife was on the floor, her blood splattered around it- on my hands. 

...Her- her blood was on my hands... 

...My-... 

I wanted to fucking die. 

I looked up at my mate. Garret was shouting at me, pressing fingers to her throat to check her pulse. Her eyes were shut, her lips barely parted, her skin was pale and her dark hair stuck to parts of her forehead and dropped down her back. Her bra was stained a bright red, the same as her underwear. 

"F-Flow...Flower..." I whispered, my voice cracking. 

"Derek, she barely has a pulse." He stood up, "Get the fuck up, man!" he yelled at me. I just had my mouth hanging open as I took her in. "Violet? Violet, come on!" 

Her wrists were deeply cut, profusely pouring out red. I felt my chest constrict and a sickness deep down coming to the surface. 

Garret turned to me, shouting words I couldn't hear. My eyes were focused on my bloodied flower. My breathing was quicking, and I felt my body fully slump down, smacking against the cold tiles- I blacked out. 

I woke up in the hospital. I stormed through the hospital demanding to see my Flower. Nurses and doctors were yelling at me, but I didn't give a damn. 

Garret had to grab me and physically smack some sense into me. 

I had a panic attack while Garret rushed Violet to the hospital, she was currently in a coma. I demanded to see her, and he denied me, telling me I was too unsettled to see her. 

I eventually calmed down enough to where he told the nurse I was ready to see her. But he warned me, it wasn't pretty. At all. 

The moment I walked in the unit and saw her thin, pale body with tubes running in her, I buckled in pain and distress. I ended up passing out again, having yet another panic attack. Something about seeing my mate just-it was unnerving. 

After I woke up from that I stormed back into her room. I ignored everyone, growling out a warning to them. Who the fuck did they think they were? Denying me of seeing my mate. I pulled a chair to the side of the bed and sat down. 

I've been in the chair since. It's been two days and I haven't moved. 

I leaned over the hospital bed and held her hand, often pressing kisses to her cold skin. 

How could I have let this happen? Why was I so fucking mean to her? 

'Cause you're a self-centered dick... Zaxton smacked. 

I didn't even have the energy to retort. 

Garret would come in every so often trying to coax me out, or at least to even leave the room. He even brought his mate a few times. She looked shocked when she saw Violet but then tried to get me to get up and do things. 

"Derek, come on man." Right now Garret was in with me. I had my head resting on the bed by her leg and my hand holding her cold, feeble one. "You have duties to uphold. The king still wants to know what happened with Mallory." 

A small growl left my lips at the mention of that pathetic raper. 

"Derek," he growled, "Man up." My eyes switched to his, blazing. "Look, this sucks, but you know what? There is only so much we can do now." 

I growled again at him. 

"How do you think she'd feel if she woke up and saw you like this? She has the bond just as much as you do," Garret pressed, "Go take a shower and eat something, you have a title and duties." Garret turned after giving me a pointed look and then walked out, leaving us. 

I looked at her faded face. Her face has gotten noticeably thinner, she was already so skinny, I hated that she was able to lose more weight. Right on her left cheek was a bruising handprint, one I caused. It was a light blue in the center, green surrounding it, and slightly yellow at the edges. Her light pink lips were so pale, they were once soft and bright. Her eyelashes rested on her cheeks, some mascara in the corners from the water. 

I sighed and kissed her limp hand. 

Her wrists were wrapped up and checked daily. 

Reseda was close to tears when she'd wrap them. I knew Reseda liked Violet- it hurt her to see my Flower in such a dark state. 

I felt like I was dying. Little by little. 

I'm a bastard. She was right. I am a bastard who couldn't keep his dick in his pants. And for no reason. Those girls were useless to me- they were my precious Flower. I always had to rely on my hand to fix the problem. 

Why did I ever lay a hand on her? I promised myself I'd never do such a thing, not ever would I hit my mate. But I did. I said I would never treat my mate the way my fucking father did to my mother- but look where we are. 

I caused her a panic attack, I caused her to cut herself and I caused her to attempt suicide. This was far past 'punishing herself' as she so ethically put it. 

I smacked her for telling me the truth after I berated her. I'm selfish. I'm ignorant. I'm a horrendous mate to her. I was so weighed down with the burden of guilt. 

My throat constricted and a headache started to form. 

I took a deep breath, but my body shook with an inaudible sob. 

"Flower..."