The Alpha - Arianna Green (FULL 50 Chapter)

 

Sunlight broke me out of my peaceful state of sleep. 

No nightmares... 

I tightly shut my eyes, basking in the warmth surrounding me, snuggling deeper into it. Sage purred inside me, happy that I was staying in bed. I wasn't sure why she was so happy about it, besides the fact I didn't have any terrors in my mind. 

The sun was bothering me, so I turned to the side, my face meeting a warm wall. I stiffened at the unfamiliar object in the bed and my eyes flew open to be met with a chest. I pushed back but didn't get that far when an arm held me in place. I looked up to see Derek's resting face, a small crease in between his eyebrows. 

Why was he sleep- 

Oh. 

My face heated up when I remembered last night. Could I be any more desperate? 

I was begging him to touch me! 

I frowned in embarrassment and pulled away from his grip. The crease in his eyebrow deepened and he tightened his hold on my waist. My naked waist. I clutched the blanket to my chest and started to wiggle from his grip. 

Derek shifted and pulled me closer, rubbing his nose in my hair and taking a deep breath. I tensed and still tried to pull away. 

"Violet," his husky morning voice grumbled. My heart fluttered and Sage was warm with happiness. I was almost lured to stay with him and just relax, but my scarred common sense kicked in. 

I wiggled some more and used one hand to pry off his arm. He sighed and lifted his arm, freeing me but staying where he was, eyes still closed. I scooted to the side of the bed, and then he cracked his eyes open, studying me. 

I felt my face heat up and I pulled the cover higher up and tighter around me. His eyes followed the movements and darkened for a moment before coming back. I went to say something to break the silence but no words would come out. 

"Sorry for last night," he spoke up, propping his head upon his hand, "you were in heat and I knew you would regret it if we went all the way. But I didn't want you to be in pain, plus my wolf can only hold back so much, especially with you. Just look at yourself," he chuckled and mumbled the last part. 

I studied his face. He didn't seem to be lying. I didn't feel it, he was just being honest. 

"Thank you," I croaked out, my voice cracked from sleep. My eyes left his face, I was too awkward to hold his stare while discussing our sex life. They found his tan torso basking in the morning air, on full display. 

So smooth. I wanted to touch. 

Once I realized where I was looking I quickly moved my eyes and they caught sight of his amused, smirking expression. 

"You can look all you want. I'm all yours," Sage yipped in joy at that comment. "I do have to say, you are one sweet tasting Flower." 

I realized what he meant and stammered as I thought of something to say. Sweet? He did say something like that last night, I was drowsy but still heard him. 

..."Sweet. Taste just like honey, fitting."... 

I blushed at the memory and I heard Derek chuckle at my reaction. 

"You do like to grind, makes me painfully hard, but you still do it," he continued and my face darkened. 

I felt myself sink into the bed to try and cover my shyness about this subject, clinging to the blanket as it'd shield me. He laughed again, eyes gleaming as he took me 

in. 

"I- um. I-" I spluttered, having no clue how to respond to that. 

"I'm just messing with you Honey, although you are very tasty," he mused. I swallowed and nodded. "Come back over, I want to hold you," he said and reached an arm 

out to me. 

I flinched and shook my head, "I'm n-naked," I whispered. 

He lightly chuckled. "I know Flower, I'm well aware. Would you come over if you had clothes on?" he asked, seeming to care for my answer. I nodded, slightly apprehensive if I were to deny. "Words," he reminded me. 

"Yes," I whispered. I felt a wave of satisfaction that wasn't mine run through me. It felt like his emotions hit stronger after last night. He nodded and sat up fully. I went to question him but he waved it off. 

"Stay, I'll go get you something." He stood up and walked into the closet and came out with a short-sleeved shirt and some loose-fitting pants and underwear. He set them by my arm that was holding the blanket to my naked body. "I'll be in the bathroom. Don't worry, I won't look or anything," he reassured. 

He left me to get dressed, which I quickly did so he wouldn't walk out on my exposed body. Despite him seeing it yesterday, my bond was blinding me, I knew I wouldn't want him to see my scars. 

Maybe he wanted to see me and didn't want to wait in the bathroom. He did call me his last night. Was I being a bitch? I know Alphas are possessive about their possessions and he said I was his. So may- 

"Violet," Derek called out from behind the bathroom door, "are you good?" he asked. 

I stuttered for a second, my mind blanking then scrambling for words to use. "Y-yes!" I shakingly called out. 

I sat up in bed, my legs crisscrossed, and my back against the headboard. Derek walked out of the bathroom, his pants hanging around his hips without a belt. He slept in his dress pants from last night... 

He got back in bed and went to pull me to his chest but I moved my shoulders, denying his motives. He moved his hand back and instead, sat beside me. It got quiet. I wouldn't say anything, no. I wasn't one to be bold and start conversations. Trauma or not. 

...Well, possibly without trauma... 

I felt his gaze on me and I looked in my lap, fiddling with my wrists. 

"Don't do that," Derek's hand grabbed mine. He held my hand and brought it to his lips, lightly pressing a kiss to the skin of the top of my hand. 

"They're n-not healing," I mumbled. It was sad, really. They made my wrists look hideous. More- they were already scarred up. 

"They will, just takes time, Flower," he assured me and brought my cut wrists to his lips and lightly kissed them. "Do they hurt?" I shook my head 'no' in response. 

"N-numb," I told him and he looked up at me. "They don't hurt a-after a day, they just feel n-numb because they g-got used to it," I couldn't stop from oversharing. 

He hummed and looked back at them, kissing them again. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled against the skin. 

I know I said I wouldn't forgive him, and I'm not dismissing how I felt and still feel. But, I felt bad. And I know that he played a starring role in this whole dilemma, but the submissive, passive side of me spoke so quickly that I couldn't process it. 

"It's okay, it's n-not your fault." 

Derek frowned at me, "Yes it is Flower, you're not going to hurt me by saying it. I'm truly sorry for everything I did to you. I understand it'll take time for you to believe that, but I mean it." 

I swallowed and nodded. 

...Whatever you say... 

('Hear Mate out.') Sage demanded. 

"Flower. I want to start over. You don't have to forgive me. I don't think you could. But- Violet, I can't lose you." he pleaded. 

"If n-not for my wolf, you wouldn't even be here," I couldn't help but dish back his words. 

A sliver of regret tingled in my system, it wasn't mine. I felt like he tried to hold it back but still, some hit me. He swallowed and looked back at my wrists before back 

at me. 

"Honey, I said a lot of things to you that I didn't mean. I swear to everything I didn't mean it, I-" 

"Then why did you s-say it? A-all of it?" I asked, my voice cracked and I felt my throat burn. I tugged my hands from his and wrapped them around my waist. 

He sighed out. "I was- fuck. I was in denial, I was pissed, I was mad. Hell, I was a lot of things," he sounded irritated, but somewhere in me, I knew it wasn't directed towards me, but rather himself. "Zaxton wanted you the moment he caught your scent in Ohio. And to be honest with you, I did too, but I told myself I couldn't have you." 

That hurt. I frowned and he reached out and rubbed my knee in comfort. My body warmed up but his word still stung. 

"Why?" I whispered. Just like every other time, I was asking for the pain. I was requesting for him to hurt me. Just like when I asked him why he wouldn't sleep with me instead of sleeping around. 

Apprehension brewed in me. It was his. 

"Flower..." he trailed. 

"Why?" I whispered again. 

He sighed and the anxiety level grew. "I thought you were too broken for me, that you weren't strong enough. Zaxton always snipped at me and dismissed the thoughts instantly, and part of me knew he was right. But I also knew you couldn't handle me right away, and vice versa." 

My body was tense as he spoke. I felt the honesty in his words. So he wasn't lying? 

..."Worthless weak runt."... 

..."Why would I want you? You're a damaged flower. You're weak."... 

My walls started to tremble and tears clouded my eyes. Was I just a pussy to him? Something to fuck in his free time to keep his wolf attached to him? He doesn't even fuck me... So I really was just here for his wolf? 

I saw his hand reach out to me and I flinched away, but he still touched my cheek. He wiped his thumb over it and frowned, his eyes not hiding his hurt. 

"Flower," he strained, "What is going on inside your head," he whispered out, mostly to himself but I still heard him. "Don't cry. I hate it, it fucking hurts like hell." 

I didn't realize the tears started to come down. I sniffled and moved my head back. I wasn't gonna tell him, let myself suffer like I always do. I'll tell him later when I'm 

more stable... 

"Flower. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you. It's hard to express it with what I grew up with, but honey. I- fuck. I never meant to do harm, maybe just detach from you. Or vice versa because I knew that I would hurt you." he sighed out and looked in my eyes. "It hurt so fucking bad to see you in the hospital, I didn't realize how much I took you for granted-" 

"Derek, y-you're okay. It's fine." I didn't want to talk about it. No, no. 

"Violet, you can't-" 

"I d-don't want to talk a-about this..." 

It got quiet. I know I wanted to talk about this but I felt tense now. 

"Can I see?" he hesitantly asked. I looked up at him, confused. He took my look and clarified, “your scars." 

Instinctively I backed into the headboard. My arms around me tightened and I dropped my eyesight, often flinching even though he made no move to touch me. 

"It's okay honey, I won't touch you, not without your permission," he spoke softly, coaxing me out of my fear-induced shell. 

I cautiously looked back up at him, studying him for any malicious intentions. He had none. 

Maybe I should just show him? He's already seen me naked- multiple occasions too. I could ask him my question afterward if he wasn't too pissy with the marks. 

Slowly I unwrapped my hands from my waist, Derek sitting quietly by. My hands were shaky as I reached for the hem of my shit and brought it up. Derek kept his eyes trained on my face, waiting for my permission to look. Once I had the shirt securely under my breast I nodded to him. 

I know he was big on me with verbal responses, but he accepted this because I was already out of my comfort zone. 

His eyes trailed down to my abdomen and he just stared. I held my breath, not daring to move. His eyes didn't let any emotion pass. 

"There's more on my back if you want to s-see," I spoke out after a few moments. A few seconds passed before he gave any sign or an answer. He nodded his head ever so slightly. 

Once I went to turn around and show him my exposed back, I noticed his hands. They were in his lap but balled in fists and he was hiding the fact that they were 

shaking. 

"He did this?" he spoke lowly, controlling the fury I felt. I swallowed, Sage tensing up. 

"N-not a-all of it," I shivered when I felt his hand touch me. His fingers lightly traced my whipping scars, barely putting pressure. 

"Honey..." he whispered, his voice dripping in pain. "Who?" he gruffly gutted out a complete contrast to his previous tone. 

I stammered for a second, the memories flooding me and raising the panic and anxiety in me. 

"A-alpha, B-beta a-and Gamma, m-mainly," my speech impediment jutted out. Truthfully, it has gotten better, I used to stutter over every word and now it was mainly 

certain letters. 

"Mainly?" he growled, I couldn't help the flinch. He lightly rubbed my back, carefully like he was scared of reopening my marks. 

"Y-yes. M-many pack m-members did things b-but m-most was them," my voice started to waver. 

I turned back around and he retracted his hands. I showed him my abdomen again. "These are a-all from A-alpha," I murmured. 

He breathed out through his nose and closed his eyes, "Violet, honey, he's not your Alpha," he spoke softly to me, despite the evident anger radiating off of him. I lowered my eyes when he opened his. 

I felt him staring. 

"I will demolish that pack," he gritted and I quickly brought my eyes up to him, alarmed. 

"Derek," I whispered, my eyes wide. 

He gave a dark chuckle, "oh Violet, they're going to regret ever looking in your direction," he promised but it didn't make me feel better. It made me feel worse. 

"Derek, they didn't do a-anything wrong," I defended. 

The seas in his eyes clashed of fury and disbelief. His eyebrows creased together and his eyes bored into mine. 

"They didn't do anything wrong?" he scoffed and shook his head, he closed his eyes again, regaining his slipping control. "Honey, you don't- fuck." he chuckled to himself. 

"They were only listening to their a-alpha, a-and officials," I rushed out, explaining. I didn't want him to kill a whole pack, even if they hurt me. No. That wasn't right. 

His eyes shot open, blazing in my direction, trying to process what I just said. I couldn't hold his gaze so I looked down, and he sighed. 

"Honey. There was a time in history that is widely taught, know as the Holocaust. I'm not going to give you a history lesson, but basically it was a mass genocide of mainly Jewish people, not only but mainly," I blinked at him, not know what that meant. He picked up on it. "Mass killings, very few survived. I think it was about six million people, and they were burned, starved, beaten, and gassed. 

I frowned, flinching. 

He shot me an apologetic smile, "sorry. But my point is, after everything was liberated, or freed, there were trails to prosecute the officers who did those things to them. And their defense for those crimes was that they were 'just following orders,' now, do you think that's right?" 

"I- uh," my cheeks heated up. "Well, that's different. That was s-six million people, and..." I frowned when I saw him sigh. 

"Flower, I don't want to have this argument right now. We'll discuss that later," I nodded and he came closer, slowly putting his hands on my waist. 

I knew he was and he had my permission but, instinctively I tensed up and he glanced up at me, silently asking if what he was doing was okay. I nodded. 

"He solely did all of this?" he questioned, this thumb tracing my most recent one, just like last night. 

I flinched at the memories and I nodded. He glanced at me and looked back at the scars littering my body. "A-alph... um, he likes to c-cut when he..." I trailed, I couldn't finish, I couldn't bring myself to say it. 

...He's probably disgusted with me... 

His grip tightened and quickly loosened so he wouldn't hurt me. "Flower, I'm not disgusted with you. Never. You're so unbelievably strong." 

I swallowed. "This one," I started with the scar his thumb was over, "it's my most recent, he did it a-about a day before you came," he started to rub it. I pointed to one 

on the opposite side, it was small. "This was the first, I was a-about thirteen. That's when he figured it was fun to c-cut while he, um... yeah." 

Derek breathed out. "Thirteen?" I nodded again. His hands started to shake against me, I could tell he wanted to talk about it, but I didn't. He picked up on that. He continued to inspect my abdomen, often tracing some cuts. 

Sage was happy. I was getting slightly uncomfortable. Very slightly. He moved his hands back to himself and I pulled my shirt back down. 

He cleared his throat, "Thank you Violet," I nodded. Should I just up and ask him? 

"Um... D-Derek?" I asked, cautious. 

"Flower?" My cheeks got red and I positioned myself back against the headboard. 

"Can I a-ask you s-something?" 

"Of course Flower, anything." 

"D-did you k-kill your father?" I squeaked out. 

His lips set in a straight line. He hummed in agreement, "Yes." 

I tensed slightly and looked away. 

"The rumors are true Flower. I tore him limb by limb- ripped him apart. I was, seventeen? Eighteen? But do they say why?" I shook my head, not daring to look at him. "Let me inform you. See, my father was a good man, at one point in his life. Even when my mother had me and my brothers, he was fine. A nice Alpha, respected. And he and my mom were happily together. I think it was about when I turned eleven. He started becoming slightly aggressive. He also became openly sexual to my mother. It wasn't too bad, a little gross seeing my parents but, whatever." 

I looked up to him and his eyes seemed distant, reliving his years. 

"But as time progressed, my mother was detaching from his assertive sexuality and his bond was following. My father picked up on it, and in an effort to save it, he began to do many things to her, and soon began to just take her whenever he wanted." 

I looked down when I noticed his hands shaking. I reached out before I had time to process it and I grabbed his hand, rubbing it. He seemed to break out of his trance and he glanced down at my hand holding his. He gave me a small smile and brought my hand up to his lips, giving a light kiss. 

"I knew my mother was trying to fight back against him. She wasn't too big. So he'd beat her. And one day when I was about sixteen, fifteen I walked in on him raping her. That was the last straw for me. I knew he was doing it before, but then I saw it. It was just-" he paused, eyebrows together, fumbling for his words. He breathed out, "you know? So I dragged him off of her, and it was like hell. My mom didn't like seeing her mate and son fighting so she tried to help. That following week- he killed 

her." 

His grip tightened on my hand. He bit his lip, controlling himself from lashing out. 

"I-" he pressed a finger to my lips. 

"I'm not done honey," he spoke out, removing his finger. 

I nodded and looked at him, studying. 

"The pack was deeply let down, but they never knew it was him until a few years later when I came out about it. He said a rogue attack killed her, threatening me to keep quiet about it. He was a mess, his bond was long gone, his wolf slowly leaving him from what he did to mom. Then I finally killed him when he announced I would get the Alpha title. My two other brothers, but they weren't around that often, they also knew about what was happening. And I promised myself I would never treat my mate the way he did, and-" his body shook and he quickly closed his eyes. 

Without thinking, instinctively, I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I hugged into his body and he immediately reacted. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him, shoving his face in my mark. 

"I'm so fucking sorry Flower. I never meant to hit you, I would never. I swear-" he cut himself off when his body shook again. I rubbed his back and my other hand went to his hair. "Violet, honey, my sweet Flower... I'm so ungodly, fucking sorry," he pressed a kiss to my neck, near my mark. 

I squeezed him into me, "D-Derek it's okay," I mumbled into his hair. I didn't care about what I was saying, I just wanted to comfort him. 

"No, it's not. I promise I'll never lay a violent hand on you ever again. I promise you Flower. I'll make sure no one hurts you. I swear," he kissed my neck between after 

every sentence and squeezed me into him, rubbing my back. 

"It's okay D-Derek," I whispered because, truthfully, I had no clue what to say. 

He sighed in my neck and pulled back, looking at me with his dark blue eyes. He started to lean back to lay on the bed with me. He was hesitating, in case I would freak on him and push away. 

Once he was down with me, he tightened his hold on my waist and breathed out. 

"Flower, Derek is my last name." I was caught off guard at that. His last name is Derek? "My first name is Benlyam. It's a combination of what my father and mom wanted. My father wanted Benjamin or something with Ben and my mother wanted something with Lyam, but not William. So they combined it. Benlyam Silas Derek." he smirked down at me as I stared up at him with wide eyes. 

Benlyam? 

...That's cute... 

"It's really not, but glad to know you think I'm cute," he grinned and rubbed my sides, my face reddened. 

"S-so, do you want me to c-call you that?" I asked. 

"You can call me anything you want Flower," he told me with a small smile and a playful gleam in his eyes. 

I blushed and looked down, my head resting on his chest. 

"My father called me Benny and my mom liked Lyam. My grandparents called me both. My brothers when they were younger called me Lee," he told me while he brought one hand up to my hair, playing with it. 

"A-are your brothers s-still with you?" I asked. 

He paused, thinking. "Um, yeah? I mean, they're alive, if that's what you're asking. But they don't live in my pack anymore. They became Statal Alpha and Beta to 

Kansas. Not that far." 

"Oh," I whispered. "Where a-are we?" 

"South Dakota. Do you know where you were in Christopher's pack?" he carefully asked when mentioning Chris. 

I wasn't dumb, but I had to think back on it. Chris only mentioned it a few times when he made me work in his office. 

"Ohio?" I spoke but it came out a question. 

He nodded. 

"Thank you for putting the m-mirror in the bathroom," I said. 

I felt him kiss the top of my head. "You're welcome Flower. It's acrylic, so it won't break," he told me and I couldn't help but feel guilty and I tensed up. 

"I'm s-sorry," I whispered. 

"You're fine Flower. I don't want you hurting yourself, okay? Come see me or Reseda, Socorro, Garret, Hannah. Don't block me out, Flower." He pulled my face up so I looked at him. "Okay?" 

I swallowed. "O-okay, I'll try," I whispered. 

He smiled at me and gave me a small kiss.