The Alpha - Arianna Green (FULL 50 Chapter)

 

 

It's been a few days. After that morning, I decided I'll give Derek, or Benlyam, another chance. It wasn't easy but I was trying my best to be normal with him and not let my past creep in too much. 

He'd eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me, he wanted to make sure I ate. I still wasn't eating as much, but he was content with me trying. It seemed he was getting a result out of it because I gained six pounds in that time. He was beaming with joy when we got home after Reseda did a check-up. 

I started writing in the diary, my handwriting wasn't too great, but I could read it. I've written only a few times with Chris and I vaguely remember writing when I was small. My mother-the small memory I have of her- taught me how to read and write, but I guess it didn't go far. 

We were sleeping together- not sexually, just comfortably. He wore a shirt to bed, although all the time he was with me, he slept shirtless. Sage convinced herself that it was because of us, but I dismissed that myself. 

There was one night I had a nightmare. It wasn't too great, the opposite by a large divider. I was a mess, I kept hitting him, blinded by my trauma that Chris was in front of me and not my mate. I stayed up for the remainder of the night, Benlyam stayed up with me. 

I started to call him by his first name- at first, he tensed up, and when I said I wouldn't say it, he said it was fine and he just wasn't used to it. I continued to call him. Although I would go back to 'Derek' when we were out in public, and he seemed conflicted at it, I felt it. 

He was grateful but pissy that I didn't want to call me his name-establishing he was mine. He'd walked me to Socorro whenever needed and we went on one run together. 

My stuttering has noticeably gotten better around Benlyam. The worst for me was the 's' sound, I would mess us every time. But I was improving in other areas. 

It seemed to be going well. 

Until today. 

I was keeping my promise about not harming myself, but the urge has been so strong and adamant. I was frustrated and talked to Socorro about it yesterday when I 

saw him. He suggested I write about it. 

I did. 

He also said I should do dishes, listen to music, or go on a run with my wolf. I tried running however, I got easily tired and went to bed shortly after. 

The voices were louder, holding hands with the urge. It got to the point where I was tightly gripping my wrists to do something to alleviate the craving. I wouldn't notice it at first and when I did, it took a second to force myself to let go. 

Now, it felt like I had Tourettes because I would slap them. I was slapping a lot, it was new, and I didn't know how to stop it. Benlyam was in a meeting so I couldn't see 

him and I didn't want to bother him. 

Instead, I sat on the ground in my room, wet-cheeked, my sleeves pulled up and I stared at my cut up wrists. They were red from me repeatedly hitting them. 

...On the bright side, they were healing more from the time I spent with Benlyam... 

'Who cares? Cut them!' 

I bit my lip down. It was harder to push them out. 

My eyes watched as my hand whacked my left wrist, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. A whimper left my lips as my other smacked as well. 

('I want mate!') 

'Don't be selfish!' 

'Just cut!' 

I squeezed my eyes and a sob shook my body. I tried sitting on my hands, but it didn't work. 

After what felt like an eternity of crying, hitting, and debating I finally pulled myself up. I walked out of my room, tears flowing down my cheeks as I collapsed my wrists together in a death grip. 

I kept chanting to myself, 'just see Benlyam, it'll be okay' but it was hard when people kept shouting at me to turn around and not bother him. He was in a meeting... 

I neared the big brown door and knocked quickly, biting down on my lip as a slap was applied to my wrist. My head was pounding. The door opened revealing 

Benlyam, he had a crease in between his eyebrows and concern stamped on his face. 

I saw two men in his office before his figure blocked them from my eyesight. I looked up at him, teary-eyed and in slight visible pain. 

"Flower, are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked softly, stepping to me. 

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. He did a quick scan of my body and then landed on my wrist clapped in my hands. 

"Flower," he whispered and reached out, prying them apart and inspecting them. He saw that they were red and had small welt marks from my hands. "Oh, it's okay. Come on," he gently whispered, moving up to grasp my shoulders. He opened his door, held me to his side, and walked in. He was shielding me from the eye line of 

those men. 

"Let's take a fifteen minute break. I'll call," Benlyam ordered, his voice hard. I slightly flinched. 

"Yes, Alpha," the two men respectfully spoke, they got up and left. 

Once they were out of his eyesight he removed me from his side and went to the couch, sitting me down with him. I sniffled and unwillingly I went to squeeze my wrists but he gently grasped my hands to prevent it. 

"Flower-" he gently spoke but my sob cut him off. 

"It h-hurts," I gasped between my cries. 

"Okay honey, what? Tell me so I can fix it," he spoke comfortingly, well-modulating. 

Cries left my lips as I shut my eyes. Everything did. My wrists were screaming at me and the painkiller was a sharp object to stick in it and fix it. It felt like a marching band was parading in my head, stomping all over the place. My throat felt like sandpaper being squeezed by an anaconda from crying. 

I shook my head slightly and looked at him through my tears. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. Instead, I jutted my wrists to him, which were already in his 

hold. 

"Your wrists?" he asked. 

I nodded, "a-and my head, m-my throat, e-everything," I cried out and shut my eyes as my body shook with a sob. 

"Okay Flower," he grasped my hands and pulled me into his chest, my cheek meeting. He ran a hand through my hair and then rested it on my back, his other hand securely held one of mine to his chest. I knew why, because then they wouldn't wrap around him and potentially cause damage. 

'Disrupted his meeting.' 

'Bad.' 

"Ben-" I cut myself off with a cry and I buried myself in him and his grip tightened. "I'm so s-sorry," I whispered. 

He slightly pulled back to look at me. "Honey, you're not doing anything wrong. I told you to come see me, you're fine." He kissed my forehead but I shook my head. 

"N-no, I ruined your m-meeting," I sniffled. 

He shook his head, "Violet," I frowned, "you didn't ruin my meeting. I told you to get me if you felt like this, good girl." he praised and my heart leaped. "Thank you. You're okay. Good Flower," he gave another kiss to me and I nodded and he pushed my back against him. 

Good Flower. I liked that. Brought a sense of comfort, of security. It's what I grew up hearing and I secretly adored how he still called me 'flower' so it felt better. 

My wrists weren't throbbing as badly but they still stung. I sniffled and my hand unintentionally formed a fist and tugged in his grip to try and hit my other. I frowned and Benlyam pulled back. 

"Sorry Flower," I got confused and furrowed my brows as he brought my wrists up to his mouth and kissed them. I stared at him, puzzled, but soon the ache subdued, and he pulled me back into him. 

"How?" I whispered against him. 

"Mate bond," he told me as he sat back, pulling me so I was straddling his lap. One arm was securely wrapped around my waist and the other was running through my hair. I buried my face in his shoulder. 

4 

I know he's done that before, it just slipped my mind. 

"Thank you," I mumbled and pressed a light kiss to his neck. 

"You never have to thank me, honey. Thank you for seeing me," he pulled my head up and gave me a light kiss. 

My eyes fluttered shut as I basked in the warmth. 

'His meeting, bitch.' 

I pulled away first and looked away, wiping my eyes. 

"I sh-should let you get back to your meeting," I whispered and went to stand up but he held me in place. 

"I'll send them a text, you're my priority," my cheeks heated up, my heart flutter, Sage purred. He kissed my cheeks and wiped some stray tears with his thumb. "Let's get you cleaned up," he said as he stood up, holding me in his arms. 

My legs warped around his waist, instinctively. He walked into the bathroom and set me on the counter. He wiped my face and kissed it when he was done, no doubt mascara under my eyes. Once he was done with that he inspected my wrists to make sure nothing opened and no new marks were made. 

He brought them to his lips and kissed them, "Good girl," he whispered. My heart sped up and he looked up at me. Our eyes locked and his gaze had nothing but 

adoration in them. 

"Fuck Flower," he whispered and smiled at me. I flinched in response to the language but he squeezed my arm comfortingly. "How are you so beautiful?" I blushed and looked away, stuttering out a thanks. He kissed my forehead once more and then helped me off the counter. "Do you want to stay for the rest?" he asked lightly, still cautious if I were to break down again. 

I looked at him. "N-no, I don't want to distract you or a-anything." 

He gave a light smile, "Honey, you wouldn't distract me. You can take notes, it'll help. Although, small warning, we are talking about that fuc... Chris..." he gritted out but took a breath before continuing. "Or if you're not comfortable with that, I can call over Hannah, she's not busy today." 

Help him or save my mental state form the mention of his traumatizing name? Go with the less selfish option... 

"Okay, I'll s-stay." He beamed at me and gave me a light kiss. 

He called them back in and presumed the meeting. Beforehand, he gave me a notepad and pen and I sat and took notes. Although, truthfully, I don't think I was taking as many as I should. I was so focused on my handwriting looking good for Benlyam, that by the end of the meeting I only had five bullet points. And I had no clue if half of it was spelled right, or if I was using correct grammar. I just focused on my handwriting. I was barely paying attention. 

It was tedious in a way. I carefully indented the paper with even, straight strokes, a game-changer from my shaky handwriting in my diary. It took a lot longer. They mentioned Chris was most likely rogue and they finally got word back from the pack. Beta and Gamma finally responded. 

Benlyam concluded they probably only responded because they would be in less trouble- but he hated them both, a personal vendetta. 

I learned he was talking to two Statal Alphas. The Statal Alpha of Ohio and the Statal Alpha of Indiana. They put out their trackers and alerted their Regional Alphas to issue searchings. So far, all came back negative. 

No signs of Alpha in Ohio or Indiana 

Beta and Gamma are back in Ohio 

Last they saw Alpha was close to Ilinois 

Documents mentioned some one in lowa 

He didn't pack most of his things 

The meeting ended and they left. Benlyam collected the papers, praised me and kissed my forehead. We went to eat dinner and then walked back up. He went to his room to get ready for bed and I went to mine. Even though we weren't going to bed, instead, planned on watching a movie, we still got ready. 

I walked into my room, took a quick shower, and got dressed in my basic pajama pants but decided to wear a short-sleeved shirt. Slowly getting out of my comfort zone. I attempted to wear it last night but I got too negative about how my arms looked. 

I brushed my hair, and my teeth and walked out of the bathroom. Something on the bed caught my eye. I cautiously neared my bed and saw a white envelope resting against the pillow. 

My brows drew together and I picked it up. I opened it and immediately choked on my air, my hands shaking and my anxiety levels picking up. There was a photo of Benlyam and me. A very intimate photo of us. 

The bed and door were in it. I laid, back arched on the bed with my hands in Benlyams hair. His head was positioned in between my legs. Tears instantly filled my eyes and I put a shaky hand over my chest as if it'd help. 

...Where was this taken?... 

I knew when, but how? Why? 

My heart increased and it felt like it'd pop. I shuffled to my nightstand and took out my inhaler in case, and read the note on the back. 

'My dear matey, 

What a bad girl! Hoeing around like this? Bad! Don't worry, I'll come collect you soon enough, no amount of guards will stop me, babykinny. You're mine, you belong to me and that tight pussy does too. Sorry to cut this short, but I'm running out of space. C.U.S. 

-Alpha' 

Tears fell down my face. My breathing stopped in total. I just stared at the note. 

Bad girl. 

Matey. 

Babykinny. 

There was no doubt in my mind that this was from Chris. He called me all those names, multiple times. 

I gasped and my senses kicked in. I shuffled, got my inhaler, and shoved it in my lips. A small headache was forming. Once my breathing was better I swiveled my 

head around the room, looking for him. 

There was no one. Sage was oddly quiet. 

With shaky hands, I put the picture back into the envelope and put it in my pillowcase, on the bottom. If Benlyam ever had suspicions about me hiding something, he'd check the drawer first, right? 

A cry left my lips, but I quickly put a hand over my mouth. I couldn't bring attention and have Benlyam hear. I had no intention of telling him, no. Sage hated that idea, but no. I was immobile on the subject. 

It made sense to me. 

We weren't even that close, I'll probably tell him later. I just need to figure out what to do and in the meantime I keep it from him. Shouldn't be hard, I was good at hiding things. He still hasn't found my razor... 

...I wasn't sleeping in here tonight... 

I heard Benlyam knock on my door and I called out 'give me a minute' and I rushed to the bathroom, washing my face so there'd be no evidence of me crying. 

I patted my face dry and sped-walked to the door. 

"Hey," I gave a small smile, and walked out, shutting the door. I tried not to rush and I thought I played it cool but he raised an eyebrow. 

"Rushing?" he asked and reached for my hand. It was shaking... 

"I- just eager..." I stuttered and looked away. 

"Why are you shaking, Flower? Did something happen?" he became so defensive at the thought. 

I blanked for a millisecond. I can't blow this. Oh god, what if he smells it on me? Did it have a scent? 

"I... I changed my shirt," I shyly told him. He fell for it. 

"It's cute. Your arms are soft," he winked at me. I blushed. He chuckled and started to walk with me downstairs to the living room. 

We sat down and he put on a movie. I was getting more comfortable with him so I rested my head against his shoulder and his arm slid over my shoulders. It was comfortable. I liked this. His sandalwood scent wrapped around me and his warmth made me feel like I belonged there. 

Except that note was still upstairs... 

I was still tense from it. He picked up on it and gave me a questioning look here and there but I just played it off. 

"Bee?" I asked softly, looking up at him. 

His lips picked up real quick, but he held back the smile. "Bee?" he questioned. 

I didn't realize I called him that. A blush formed. "I mean Benlyam, s-sorry." 

He smiled, "I like 'Bee', very much." 

I fumbled for my words for a second. "I... um, just wanted to a-ask, um..." I trailed. I swallowed, apprehension filling my system. What if he didn't want me in his room? 

"Honey, you can ask me anything," he reminded me, rubbing my arm in support. 

I nodded. "I... C-can we s-sleep in your room tonight?" I squeaked out. My face was fuming and I wouldn't look at him. 

He chuckled. "Of course honey," he kissed my temple. "I'd love to. Mind me asking, why the sudden change of rooms?" 

"You s-smell nice," I spoke, I didn't even process that. It was true, but that wasn't the reason. He didn't know. 

"I think you smell nice too," he added and I looked back to him. 

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. His hand immediately went to the back of my head smoothly. He slightly nibbled on my lips, I opened my mouth, a gasp leaving. I was taken aback. His tongue came in my mouth, lightly tracing. It felt so good. 

I ran my hands lightly through his hair and he pulled me over his lap. His hand trailed up and down my back and I tugged on his strands. He groaned in my mouth and then I felt something under me. Oh... He shifted me and retracted his tongue. His hand slipped under my shirt and rubbed my back. 

He pulled back after a moment. When I opened my eyes, he still had his closed. 

"Tempting Flower," he sensually let out. He opened his eyes and they were back to his blue. "Fuck, you're so beautiful," he breathed out and I lightly flinched at his 

words. He quickly pecked my lips, "Sorry for cursing Flower." 

I gave a small, closed-lip smile and snuggled back into him.