The Alpha - Arianna Green (FULL 50 Chapter)

 

 

It has been two days since I got my last letter. I've been anticipating the next one, I was worried that they'd show up outside my room and Benlyam would find them. Thankfully, I found the next one in my dresser. 

It sat on one of my shirts, neatly placed. Anyone would've seen it if they open the drawer. I checked to make sure the door was closed before I opened it. 

A photo of Benlyam and I on a walk to see my therapist. So, he was out in the open, and no one saw him? Something didn't add up... 

'Dear Matey, 

Looks like you're gaining weight. Disgusting, you know I hate fat fuck toys. I can't wait to get my hands on you. I think you're getting too comfortable here. But, I love how paranoid you always look, love seeing Benny boy panic to calm you. We need to talk about you fucking him, such a slut! Can't wait to drill back into you! Y.H.3. 

-Alpha' 

I was numb with these notes now. I just started at the indelible words. 

Looks like you're gaining weight. 

I love how paranoid you always look. 

Love seeing Benny boy panic to calm you. 

He was watching? He's mentioned it before but it was too much for my brain to handle. That was impossible. Someone would've seen, his pack is guarded, he has top-notch security. He wouldn't be able to... 

Could he be working with someone? 

No. No one would go against Benlyam, yesterday I witnessed him lay into this woman. 

After seeing Reseda quickly for a check-up, he went to the pack house to check on some people and introduce me. He had to go deal with something and I was left 

alone for five minutes. I was going to go to the lounge but I bumped into some girl. She had long black hair and brown skin with stunning blue eyes. I said 'sorry' but I stuttered and messed it up, this led her to laugh, demand I move and when I didn't right away she said, 'Did I stutter?' then proceeded to shove me out of the way. 

Benlyam walked in on that, he wasn't too pleased. I didn't know if she knew I was his mate or not, but Benlyam later informed me, with much distaste, that they screwed together once. 

He then felt like it was necessary to announce to everyone there that they had no right to talk to me like such, make fun of how I talked or, lay a hand on me. I had to awkwardly stand there, holding my hands. He then took me out and back to his house. 

He knew I wasn't pleased with him saying that but he defended his actions saying it was 'completely necessary. 

Currently, we were eating dinner that I made. At first, I was very hesitant about cooking for him but he said he wanted me to. He remembered it was something I liked to do. 

"Flower, it's amazing," he praised as he cut into his meal. I gave a closed-mouth smile and nodded. 

"It's okay," I responded. 

"So self-critical," Benylam shook his head, "it's good. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true." I smiled at him and continued eating. 

"You know I keep a journal, right?" I asked, taking a sip of water. 

Benlyam nodded, "Socorro told me that he gave you one, that was about it. He's not permitted to speak about what goes on in your sessions, you know?" 

"Oh, okay. Do you- um... Do you read it?" I was apprehensive about his answer but he just furrowed his brows at me, shaking his head. 

"I respect you and your privacy, so no. I don't," he frowned at me. 

"Thank you," I mumbled as I took one last sip of water, picking up the plates and taking them to the sink. 

Benlyam got up with me and quickly took them from me. I frowned and he dismissed it. 

"You're not doing the dishes," he declared as he set them in the sink. 

"But Be-" 

"No honey," he finalized as he steered me out of the kitchen and upstairs. "I'm going to finish signing some documents, how about we meet in my room?" 

"Okay," he smiled as he kissed my forehead, parting ways. 

I walked into my room, quickly stripping and showering, getting ready. Not because I was super excited to go to him, although I liked his presence very much, but because I was fearful of Chris's attendance. 

Once I brushed my hair and left the bathroom I noticed another note. Another? On the same day? Maybe it was old... 

I neared the nightstand and picked it up with shaky hands. How did I not see this? 

On the back of a photo of me getting dressed in the room read: 

'Dear Matey, 

Ick. Where did my markings go? All those bruises? Disappointed in you... I'll add more, not a problem. I hate that mark on your neck, when I get you, I promise I'll make my own! You'll love it, but I'll love it more! Y.H.2. 

-Alpha' 

I frowned. So it wasn't old, it had a new ending. Maybe the one in the dresser was old... The last lines seemed to have an order to them. But how was he in the room? I would have seen him, he's not invisible. 

Okay, Violet. Figure out how to tell Benlyam. 

...He's gonna be mad, he's gonna be hurt... 

('That's better than him not knowing! Do you want Chris to get you!') 

I was hurt Sage would even imply. Never in a million years would I ever want to go back to him, I hated him, everything he's done to me. He gave me physical and mental scars that could never be stitched up and healed. 

I didn't want to go back, I just felt alone. I felt like I was back there, by myself trying to figure out how to survive. That will to survive faded in the years but still, I felt 

alone. 

('Violet, you're being ridiculous! You have a mate that is more than willing and capable to protect us! All of us!') 

I pushed her to the back of my mind. She wasn't helping. I know I needed to tell him, I just didn't know how. 

I put it with the others and went to Benlyam's room, meeting him as he said. Benlyam immediately greeted me with a kiss and we went to bed. 

The next morning, I woke up alone. It hurt a little but I shook it off as best as I could and went back to my room to get dressed for the day. As I was brushing my teeth, my eyes caught sight of my wrists. My scars were almost completely healed. 

'Ruin them.' 

...No... 

I frowned and finished with my teeth, trying to distract myself, I did my hair instead. 

'Cut.' 

('No, Violet, don't.') 

'That's what Chris wants.' 

I breathed out as I grabbed my head. I needed them to shut up. I was already dealing with my tormentor stalking me, I couldn't handle this again. 

... Just keep myself busy... 

Go on a run, cook, do something... Maybe not cook, there are sharp instruments in there. Run it is. 

I took a deep breath as I left my bathroom when I saw another letter. I groaned as I neared it, shaking. I picked it up from the pillow and didn't waste time opening it. 

It was of Benlyam hugging me in the bathroom. It was back when he found that razor. 

'Dear Matey, 

Babykinny, I'm so excited! You have no clue! Benny boy does, he's getting warmer! Don't worry, he won't stop it, he'll be too late. I'll cut this short, save it for when I see you. L.T.A.D 

-Alpha' 

This one caused an attack. I barely made it to my inhaler. I had started becoming numb to them, shelled, but this shook me. 

Maybe it was because he was certain he's taking me back to wherever he came from or because he mentioned Benlyam. Either way, I hated it and it caused me to 

react. 

'Cut!' 

Voices were shouting. I couldn't take it. 

...Just go for a run. Just go for a run... 

('Violet, no! Mate!') 

I chanted to myself as I stuffed it back in the pillowcase with the others and I rushed out of the door. Just calm down, it's not that hard. I walked downstairs and went 

to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Just water. Not staying to harm myself, just water. I quickly drank and put the glass in the sink. I was so skittery. 

I took a breath and turned to walk out of the kitchen but Benlyam walked in. I haven't seen him all morning. I missed him... 

He glanced at me then looked back at the phone in his hand, the other was filled with papers. "Hey." 

I frowned at that. Hey? He didn't even say my name, he always says my name, whether it's 'Violet' or a nickname. He barely even looked at me... 

'Cut... 

I frowned, shaking it off. 

"H-hey," I responded. Why was I stuttering around him? "Um, I-I'm gonna go on a run?" It came out like a question. Why was I stuttering? It got better around him, not 

worse! 

He was focused on his phone screen. "Huh? Oh, that's fin- wait. No. Don't go outside without me, or someone." he shook his head. Why was he acting so odd? I needed to do something but seeing the aggravated state he was in, I kept my mouth shut. He insisted I tell him when I feel like this, but I wasn't going to worsen his mood. 

... Benny boy does, he's getting warmer!... 

...It's cute to see him panicking... 

...Love seeing Benny boy panic to calm you... 

Guilt weighed down on my chest. He was stressed, this was evidence enough. About two days ago his men came back from Ohio with the scent maskers, maybe that was it? He sighed out and I went to walk out of the kitchen but he stopped me. 

"Jeet?" I shook my head. "Hey, did you hear me?" he asked when he didn't hear a verbal response from me, he didn't even look up at me. 

"I- uh- n-no..." 

He nodded, "Get something, I'll be in my office." he stated sharply and left. 

I know I shouldn't be, but I was hurt at how he acted with me. I shouldn't be, he was dealing with all this because of me, so I should be grateful. 

He was dealing with it because of me... 

The weight on my chest got heavier and I made my way back upstairs. I needed to do something, but there was nothing to do, so instead, I sat on the ground in my room, back against the door. 

'Cut...' 

I frowned. There was no television in here, nothing to read or listen to. I could write in my journal, but I already did that. The need got stronger and stronger, Sage could only dismiss them so many times. 

I bit my lip as I pulled up my sleeves. I wouldn't get that razor. I promised Benlyam I wouldn't. I also promised Hannah. I needed to do something, my head was 

pounding and my chest hurt. Tears started to gather, my throat scratchy and my eyes burning. 

'You're a fucking wolf. Be useful.' 

Lightbulb! 

I took a deep breath and elongated my nails into claws and sliced my wrists. Satisfying slashes. I was about a few slices in when my claws shrunk. I was confused and 

frustrated. I wasn't done! 

Suddenly, it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on me. 

...What did I do?... 

I gasped out as pain flooded my system, tears pouring out. I heard pounding footsteps down the hall, then the door pushed open against my back. I grunted and Benlyam carefully but urgently entered the room, crouching beside me. 

What did I do? He's going to hate me... I promised him... 

My mouth was stuck open as I stared at my drenched wrists. I saw his hands go to grab me and I immediately looked up to him. 

"I-I'm so... I'm s-sorry!" I choked out. "B-Bee... I- I- s-sorry..." 

I felt him scoop me up and take me to the bathroom, lightly setting me on the counter while he grabbed the first aid kit under the sink. It was filled mainly with bandages for when things like this happened. He plopped it down beside me and started to clean me. 

My head fell against his chest as my body shook with sobs, I kept mumbling my apologies against him. I felt him strip me of my shirt and pants that were covered in my blood. He picked me up and I buried my head in his shoulder. 

...He probably hates me... 

"Shh," I heard him whisper as he grabbed some clothes and walked back into the bathroom to dress me. I felt the anger simmering in him and it made me cry harder. Once I was clothed, he picked me back up and left my room. I don't know if he meant to slam the door shut, but he did. 

Benlyam walked into his room and pulled back the sheets and laid me down. He immediately pulled back from me, covering me. 

"B-Be-" I sobbed, "I'm so..." I couldn't even finish. He walked into his bathroom and came back with two pills and glass of water. 

"Painkiller, iron tablet," he informed me as he put it in my mouth and held the glass to my lips. 

"Ben- I'm s-s-" 

"Shh. Get some rest," he instructed as he wiped a tear and pulled away. My eyes shut on their own accord. When I heard the door close, I fully slipped under. He never kissed my forehead, he always does after I cry. He kisses my forehead quite often. 

I woke up later. It was dark out. I felt immensely guilty at what I did, my stomach painfully stinging. I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. He wrapped my cuts, dressed me, and put me to bed. And what did I do? I broke my promise to him... 

I got out of bed with a plan. I was going to go see Benlyam, apologize, and tell him about those letters! 

I walked out of the room and down to his office, but the pain intensified. Did I feel this guilty? Or was I just nervous? He'd be mad I kept them a secret for this long, but I 

need to tell him. 

I probably wouldn't feel this bad if I told him in the first place. 

I neared his door and the stinging flared. I didn't knock, I just opened the door and immediately hated my entire existence. Tears fell and I grabbed on to my stomach. Lindsay was sitting in Benlyam's lap, making out with him, shirtless. His hands around her. 

My heart shattered and I gaped at the sight. I turned right back around, slamming the door shut behind me. I raced downstairs, my breathing harsh. I should've got my 

inhaler, but I needed to leave. 

I'll go to see Hannah or to the pack house, or somewhere. I just couldn't stay here. 

I opened the door and sped down the stairs, walking to an unknown destination. Pack house! Go there first! 

I should've seen this coming... All those words he said to me meant nothing. Maybe they did but he lost all hope with me when he saw I cut again. I bet Lindsay didn't 

cut herself. She didn't cry when they screwed. I bet that other girl didn't do it either. None of them did. 

I should've ended it. 

My hands wrapped around my stomach, Sage tensing up. I need to see Hannah, I'm not going to the pack house. I need Hannah, she was my only friend. 

I was in the blind spot of the pack, and it was dark out. Fear crawled up on my back, tickling me. I sucked in a shaky breath as I wiped my tears. My hand subconsciously went back to hold my stomach. 

I picked up a scent that my mind recognized but I couldn't pinpoint. I looked around, trying to find the owner but I didn't see anything. It became eerily silent before I heard footsteps stomp up behind me. 

It took one footstep, absolutely one. Sage was screaming at me because I didn't recognize that disgusting scent, the one I absolutely could not stand. A scent that brought terror to my life. 

Sage was pissed that I didn't pick it up, but she was also hurt because of Benlyam, but in my defense, I didn't have the 'wolf nose' when I was there. I only shifted here. 

I had no time to react when I felt dreaded arms grab me and cover my mouth. Something sharp stabbed in my neck and I cried out and went to struggle but my motions slowed. I felt the person lean into my ear right before I blacked out. 

"Hello, babykins."