The Alpha - Arianna Green (FULL 50 Chapter)

My vocal cords healed. It's been two days since I had the ultrasound done and Reseda has been doing everything to make sure I was healing as much as I could. 

Withdrawal symptoms started to hit me from the insulin shots, I know they were bad for me, but a part of me got addicted to it. Benlyam didn't like that and I didn't either but I couldn't help it. Eating was hard but I forced myself to eat at least one whole meal a day. 

Do it for the triplets, not myself. Even if it made me feel sick. 

I also learned that whatever I didn't eat, Benlyam ate. When I looked at him like he was insane, he said that he always did it. That explained why the chefs always took my meals when I didn't finish. They were giving the rest to him, Alpha orders. 

Benlyam stayed in the room, doing his work here. He didn't really bother me and I was thankful because I was skittish without Sage. I felt like there was something missing in me, and I knew it was Sage. It couldn't have been the bond because Benlyam stayed with me. 

I also slept for the majority of the day. I was sleeping off the pain medications. I was also a lot more tired without Sage. 

My least favorite part of my day is when Reseda would treat my wounds. Whenever she'd let them breathe, I'd fall into a black void. 

My eyes would lock on his name. I didn't want anyone to see it. I promised myself I would cover it for the rest of my life. I always started crying. 

One time, I tried to stop the tears but I ended up having a panic attack. 

Benlyam took over for Reseda but that didn't help because my years of torture crashed on me. I thrashed and kicked for him to step away. 

I saw Benlyam almost break that day. 

He was beyond hurt that I didn't want him by me, I didn't want him to help me, I didn't want him to go near my stomach. I hurt him. He stood completely still, utterly stunned when I told him to 'get the fuck away from me.' He didn't know how to react. 

I think he was possibly shocked that I cussed at him. Either way, he was deeply hurt. His eyes were glossy when he saw I was shielding my bump like he wouldn't hesitate to rip it away from me. Reseda left shortly after she calmed me down and he just bit his lip, walking into the bathroom. 

He came out and his blue eyes seemed a lot brighter. We didn't speak to each other for the rest of the day. 

But, my voice was feeling better today. 

Which means it was time for Benlyam and me to talk. I finished eating the jello cup and turned to him. I pulled my legs up and winced when my sore ankles hit each other. Benlyam glanced over at me at the sound and saw my look towards him. 

"Violet, I never touched you. Stop looking at me like that," he spoke softly as he looked back down at the paper in front of him. 

"A-and you s-said we h-had to t-talk a-about it," I told him. I tried my hardest to keep my words in check. I fixed my stutter around him before, I wanted to keep it how it was so he wouldn't look down on me. But trauma is trauma and a speech impediment is a speech impediment. 

He turned back towards me and nodded, putting down his pen. He crossed his legs and looked at me. "Alright. As I said countless times, I never touched you, honey." Benlyam spoke slowly so I would understand what he was saying. He wanted me to listen to every word. 

I shook my head and he frowned at me. I pulled down the blankets and lifted my gown up to my waist so he could see the bandages on my hips, peeking down under my underwear. 

"Yes. S-see? You d-did that!" I declared as I pointed. 

He closed his eyes for a second. "No, Violet. I can assure you I didn't. He did. He-" 

"N-no!" I cut him off. No, Benlyam did. I felt it. I saw it. It was hazy but I saw it. 

Even if it was blurred... 

"Violet, let me talk and explain it, okay? Then you can say your input and whatnot," he sighed and rubbed his temple. "He drugged you with a stimulant that is like the human version of 'Molly' but much stronger, and he proceeded to um," he swallowed and blinked, growling, "rape you. While you were under the influence, you were responding to his actions by voicing terms you said while we had some moments." 

My face got heated and I glanced down and he snapped for my attention. 

"Don't feel embarrassed, it wasn't your fault. You were drugged," I swallowed, feeling my chest tighten. "He picked up on what those terms were short for and got angry that his plan backfired. He took it out on you." He had a disgusted look on his face as he finished. 

That would explain why I couldn't piece it all together clearly. I kept my glare on him as I tried to process everything. My brows furrowed. 

"D-don't you h-have a t-tape?" I asked. He immediately shook his head, foreseeing what I was going to question. 

"No. You're not watching it, Violet. That's final." His voice was completely serious, he wasn't leaving room for arguing. 

"B-but if it a-already h-happened-" 

"Violet. No. This isn't up for debate. You're not mentally or emotionally stable right now to even process what I'm telling you. You aren't watching those tapes. Not now, 

not ever. I don't care," he shook his head. 

I frowned, I'll ask another time. Even if I was truly scared to see it. 

"I'm s-stable..." I muttered, "how do I k-know you're n-not lying?" I quizzed and crossed my bruised arms. 

"How persistent..." he muttered under his breath, "Violet, these," he held up his hand as his nails grew to claws in less than a second, "don't compare to those marks. If I were to do that, and I promise you, I never would, it would tear off a lot more than skin." I saw him frown, eyebrows knitting together as the words left his lips. 

I was left with nothing else to say. I just shook my head and looked down at my growing baby bump. My hand subconsciously rubbed circles on it. 

"I'm s-sorry I s-snapped a-" I stopped halfway as a new thought entered my mind. Benlyam waited for me to finish my thought but instead, I glared at him, outraged. 

"What t-took you s-so long?" I demanded. 

He titled his head, processing the question then he became uncomfortable. "Violet-" 

"Let me s-speak!" he bit his lip but kept quiet. "He t-told you where h-he was and- and you didn't come t-till like three d-days later, D-Derek!" 

A small, uncontrolled growl left his lips. "Benlyam, Violet. Don't call me 'Derek', I've told you that." 

"You're n-not answering the q-question!" I shot at him, which made me think of another thing. 

"Trust me, honey. I wanted to leave the moment I heard but the King gave specific procedures. I had to send trackers to check the area, then wait for the King to come, then get my team ready. I promise you. You actually think I'd let you stay there with him?" he sounded heartbroken at the thought. 

Don't forgive him, Violet! Don't fall for anything! You need answers! 

"O-okay. Well, what a-about L-Lindsay? You n-never answered me why she was a-at the house," I raised my eyebrows and his lips quirked up for a second at my attitude. 

"That-that is hard to explain, Violet," he shook his head, irritated at the thoughts, "at the time when you asked me, I didn't know. But when I checked my phone the next day, I had text receipts, telling her to come over. I don't remember texting that, so I don't have a definite answer. Sorry, I didn't tell you then, I didn't want you to worry." 

I went to say something but his eyes lit up like he remembered something, then they filled with rage. 

"I don't know how much you retained from what he said, but Violet, I never meant to have that happen in my office. I wasn't in my state of mind, I'm so sorry about it. There's nothing I can do to make it up, but I didn't mean to." 

"Did you... um- d-did you s-sleep with her?" I bit my lip, I was getting anxious for his answer. I don't even know why I asked... 

My eyes still got damp. 

Benlyam frowned and kissed his teeth. He looked down as he nodded. "Violet, I'm so sorry. I would never and it wasn't okay. I'm so sorry." 

"No-no, it's f-fine. I a-also s-slept with-" 

"Violet. Don't you ever say that. You did not sleep with anyone, you were raped, taken against your will. It's not the same," he growled out and I swallowed. 

...'Benny boy is practically infatuated with you! Took time to drug his drinks and mask the flavor!'... 

I shivered as his voice ran through my mind. I hugged my body tighter and Benlyam noted that. He was drugged, it wasn't his fault. 

"A-as were you," I whispered, "You were d-drugged. Against your will," I frowned. 

He growled out, "I'm sorry, Violet. You know I would never do that purposefully to you, not ever again. And I'm sorry, I should've been more aware. 

...'I now owe a lot of witches.... 

"It's okay, it's n-not your fault." 

He just silently shook his head. He was in denial and I felt his shame. 

"Is, um... is Z-zaxton okay?" I asked softly. 

He took a deep breath and shook his head. "To be honest with you, honey, no. Now that you're with us, he's calmer but from what he told me, Sage is gone?" he questioned carefully. 

"N-no," I shook my head. "She's just in s-shock? A c-coma. S-she took too many hits..." I swallowed back my tears at the thought of it. 

He eyed my belly as his eyes flashed. He nodded while his brows met. He stood up, "Yo-just- I'll be back," he muttered as he walked into the bathroom. I couldn't hear what he was doing, he could've just had to do his business, but it seemed so sudden. 

He walked out a moment later, his face looked like he just splashed it with water a few times. I ignored it so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable as he sat back down. 

"I'm sure she'll pull through," it seemed he needed to tell himself that more than he needed to tell me. "She's a fighter, like you. I'm here for you if you need anything, honey. Don't hesitate to ask, please." 

I nodded as I unfolded my legs to lay down as my eyes started to feel heavy. 

"There are some more things we need to discuss, but we can wait." I agreed, shaking my head in approval, he nodded and gave a small smile. "If you're okay with it, please tell me if you aren't, I'm thinking about taking you home tomorrow?" 

My heart swelled. 

...Home... 

I saw him give me a small smile. I nodded. My eyes shut as I focused on sleeping, I just didn't want to wake up to him again. Sleep was important though. 

Just as my body relaxed, my mind started to swirl, bringing up moments in the conversation. Moments that caused guilt to crawl up in me. 

...'Is Zaxton okay?'... 

...'No.'... 

My eyes opened and I saw Benlyam look over at me. I felt a breakdown coming my way. I shut my eyes to keep tears in as my throat constricted. My breathing was 

uneven. 

...Just calm down, Violet... 

"Honey?" Benlyam called out softy. He walked over and made sure he was putting space between us because past encounters hurt him. 

...He probably hates me... 

"Violet, I don't hate you. Tell me what's wrong..." he pleaded as he took a step closer. 

I sat up to make distance. I opened my eyes when he came closer. I shook my head when he hesitantly reached for me. 

"I'm s-sorry a-about Z-zaxton..." a sob cut me off and my free hand went to my mouth. 

He frowned at me, hurt at my statement. He knew what I was thinking. I was putting the blame on myself. He opened his arms, "Come here, Violet," he whispered and when I didn't make a move, he came to me. 

He hugged me against him, rubbing my back as his shirt became wet with my tears. Benlyam rocked me lightly against him to calm me down. 

"Violet, listen, none of this is your fault," he pulled back to look down at me. He moved his hand to cup my cheek and I flinched as he touched me, I nodded. It was, I should've told him about those letters long ago. 

He winced as he wiped a tear. "He'll be fine, everything is going to be okay. No one is going to hurt you or our kids. I promise. I have you..." he whispered as I hiccuped. 

One of his hands went to hover over my bump. 

"Can I?" he whispered. I looked up at him and swallowed. I didn't want anyone to touch, to be honest. 

I lifted my hand to grab his hand and carefully, cautiously placed it on me. He let out a breath as my hand left his and his eyes locked. I kept looking from his face to my 

stomach. 

He gave a light rub and suddenly he took a sharp breath and pulled his shaky hand back. I looked at him oddly. That's the second time he had a peculiar reaction. He met my eyes and slowly pulled back from me, laying me down so I could sleep. 

"I don't hate you, honey," he wiped the rest of my tears. "I absolutely adore you." 

I frowned as a wave of exhaustion hit me. He pulled back as I slipped under. 

His house looked the same but felt different. He took me up to his room to rest, I tried to argue that I could go in my room but he hated the idea and commanded me to stay in his room. 

His house looked the same but felt different. He took me up to his room to rest, I tried to argue that I could go in my room but he hated the idea and commanded me 

to stay in his room. 

I was thankful, I didn't want to ever go in that room again. Too many issues arose there. 

Benlyam made sure to tell me about the changes in his room. He said he 'Violet-proofed' it. I didn't know what that meant, but he explained. Inhalers were placed around the room so I could get to one if there was an emergency. 

One in my nightstand, in his, in the bathroom, at the desk. Anywhere. He also had the mirror changed. And all the picture frames had a plastic covering instead of glass. 

He only had one picture in his room. On his night stand was the sonogram. I almost cried when I saw it. 

It made me happy. 

We had a talk as well. 

I told him about how I was debating moving on and starting a life for the babies and myself. He almost completely broke at the thought of his mate and children leaving him. But, he said if that's what I wanted, he would arrange something. 

Something inside me shook at the thought of him letting us go. I prayed it was Sage. 

After that, he had a very stern conversation with me about the notes he left me. Benlyam was very upset that I didn't tell him about it. He kept his cool while I explained that I didn't want him to get hurt. 

He looked at me like I was crazy but then I explained that's why I broke down yesterday. 

...Because he did. Zaxton was hurting... 

He said I should worry about it, that he'd be fine. Everything would be fine. And even though he said nothing was my fault, I kept thinking that none of this would've happened if I told him the first time. 

He addressed his name. I didn't want to talk about it, but he told me he'd order an ointment that would treat it. 

He stayed with me until I fell asleep. He made sure to keep the lights on, he learned very quickly in the hospital that I needed them on. Right before I went to bed, one thought was on my mind, I didn't want to leave him.